Composting the Heart: Loving-Kindness (metta) Practice
The loving-kindness practice is a cultivation of the innate qualities of the heart best described as basic human warmth, gentle friendliness, goodwill, good wishes, gladness of the heart. It can be helpful to emphasize the kindness aspect as love can be a trickier word.
In the practice, we incline the mind toward our intention to contact these qualities in our own heart. To begin the practice, you can call to mind running into a dear, old friend. You are overcome with warmth, friendliness, happiness, and an incredibly kindred interest to greet them and see how they are as they are towards you. You behold and delight in each other.
For others, the glow of loving-kindness may be the experience of coming home to a pet who greets you as if you fulfilled every wish for joy simply by showing back up at the door, bounding towards you with unbridled affection. You know you've landed on a supportive image when you can't help but smile - the corners of the mouth upturned and eyes crinkling in smiling warmth.
By practicing loving-kindness, we plant seeds in the mind-heart-body that incline us towards these qualities. Our "mind" is not only the thinking brain. It’s our gut, our nervous system, our capacity to feel emotions and more. Imagine our brain is the most astonishingly fertile patch of earth you could envision. It's richly composted, washed in sunshine and plump with all the water it needs. Whatever seeds you plant there will undoubtedly grow. Here we are planting seeds of loving-kindness which is why repetition is powerful. With every repetition of loving-kindness practice, we cultivate this rich, fertile, black, composted soil.
Many contemplative traditions for thousands of years offer guidance to cultivate this inclining of the mind and heart. Now, the findings of neuroscience in the last few decades have "discovered" and “proven” this same capacity to shape our own heart and mind in neuroplasticity – Hebbian theory showing that "neurons that fire together, wire together." Mystics and Scientists come together!
Begin the practice (possibly with a smile) as you hold in mind this being and this experience, where the feeling of love is simple and uncomplicated. You imagine them beaming at you and offering you their most heart-felt, embodied wish for you in these phrases...
May you be filled with loving-kindness
May you be well
May you be safe from inner and outer harm
May you be happy and at ease
You can also find phrases that resonate more with you. I often say these phrases..
May you be free from fear and doubt
May you give and receive all the love that you need.
After repeating these phrases, one at a time and as you are ready, you begin to offer this loving-kindness to yourself. Envision this being or image you brought to mind, radiating friendliness back to you, gazing with the same well-wishing. They want you, too, to be held in kindness, to be safe and well, to be happy. Picture them smiling at you as you offer yourself these phrases..
May I be filled with loving-kindness
May I be well
May I be safe from inner and outer harm
May I be happy and at ease
May I give and receive all the love that I need.
Remembering as you repeat the phrases to allow each one to settle in the heart - suffusing the body with its warmth. As with gardening, speed does not actually accelerate anything. This is a practice of repetition, a composting, growth in horticultural time, cultivation, seed planting, watering - An attentive tending to the cultivation of your garden as you incline the heart and mind.
The classical loving-kindness begins with this dear one, yourself and continues to extend these wishes to a Neutral Person, Difficult Person into ever widening circles. While the neutral or difficult person may be challenging, you might imagine that these beings, just like you, want to have hearts filled with love and want to be able to give and receive love freely. It may seem they are or are not doing that skillfully but we can assume this is a part of what they desire and what all beings desire.
This practice is not one where we have to effort. It is sometimes compared to the high noon sun radiating out in all directions unconditionally offering its light and warmth, shining on all things. You can envision sunflowers all turning their faces towards this sun, perhaps leaning to their neighbor, beaming and saying, "Isn't this GREAT!". Fields of sunflowers connecting with their wish to love and be loved, joyful in their shared basking of innate goodness, innate worthiness as they turn their faces towards the sunshine.
Enjoy your composting :)
Resources
How to practice loving-kindness by Joanna Hardy (an incredible teacher, activist and writer)
Hardwiring Happiness and Positive Neuroplasticity by Rick Hanson